Endless Apocalypse
Yo everyone. I’ve put this off for a couple of days [editor’s note: 9 days], and I don’t even want to be doing it now. Not because I don’t love writing website updates; it’s just hot as the devil’s dick in this room right now and I’m sweating balls. Balls. But tonight I’m not writing this update alone, I’m writing it with Uncle Carlo. Nothing is more motivating than a few of pints of red shit-wine and Uncle Carlo gonna tell you right now. Right now.
So we’ve thoroughly kicked the balls off of Call of the Forsaken, maintaining our reign of terror happiness as the #1 undisputed EverQuest guild in the entire world; all challenges met and abruptly fisted. So we turned our attention to the Plane of War raid, The Brothers Zek. This is one of those super challenging raids made even more challenging because it was hastily released with little or no care given if anyone could actually beat it or not. An absolute shocker, I know. When SoE squats down and pinches out a raid like that, most guilds usually just go into a sort of holding pattern where they kind of learn the raid while they wait for the inevitable nerf or fix to happen and then run in, beat it and pretend like they’re balls are so big. Well guess what? That shit ain’t happening this time.
Uncle Carlo is here to tell you that your friends over here at Realm of Insanity became the first guild in the entire universe to beat that fucking raid, 47 days after it was released. By now, we’re all used to expansions and raids getting their shit pushed in mere hours after release so this raid taking 47 days to beat says something – that shit ain’t easy. It took everything we had but we worked on it over and over and over again and just kept chipping away until we got it. I’m sure that there are other guilds right around the corner, ready to become the second guild in the entire universe to beat this brutal raid and subsequently the #2 guild in the entire universe.
Hot of the presses, son: Realm of Insanity becomes the second guild in the entire universe to beat this brutal raid making them the undisputed #1 and #2 guild in all of EverQuest and/or universe. Shit’s getting wild. Don’t fret, there is a spot still open and accepting applications. Simply zone into the Plane of War and speak with Jorgar the Pacifist to begin your quest at becoming the #3 guild in the entire universe.
Check back soon to find out who gets the coveted #3 spot in a heated competition for Best Guilds in the Universe. I’ll give you a hint, it rhymes with Helm of Insanity.
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Violence Has Arrived
Yo everyone. Even though we haven’t had a website update since ‘nam, this one will be short and sweet. Today, the much anticipated Part 2 or is it Part 3? Maybe it’s Part 1C…whatever it is: Call of the Forsaken, Part something, wait; Tier 2! Yes, Tier 2. Tier 2 of the legendary Call of the Forsaken expansion came out today and promptly got it’s shit pushed in. This content release allows us to adventure into the Tower of Rot, a zone seemingly named for the loot it produces. I want to congratulate all m’niggas for smashing and bashing Lord Kyle Bayle and his team of undead flunkies mere hours after expansion launch or whatever it is you call it these days; expansion trickle.
Putting him in an oblong box tonight gave Realm of Insanity it’s 7th straight game-wide #1 finish in EverQuest. The Big Red machine just can’t be stopped. The event itself was pretty fun and somewhat challenging which was a pretty nice surprise considering the last content release put up as much of a fight as a Tiananmen Square protester in ’89.
54 pimps just pimpin’ some shit.
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RIP Brad Ryan Wisniewski ( Carnon )
It fills me with great regret to inform you that today we lost one of our own, Brad Ryan Wisniewski, known to many as Carnon.
Though Brad was only with us a short time, he made a good impression on everyone he interacted with, and was always willing to
lend a hand.One of the last things Carnon said to me was the following:
[Sun Feb 16 23:57:34 2014] Carnon tells you, ‘thank you so much bro… not even counting the crazy loot tonight… i feel really at home here and am very happy… i enjoy logging in … not felt that way in a long time … thanks for giving me the chance… you have made the game fun for me again’
No Carnon, thank you for giving our guild a shot at having you in it. Thank you for always keeping the positive side of things in any negative situation. Thank you for everything.
Brad served in the United States Navy, was an avid Ravens fan, and was a great cleric. As a whole, Realm of Insanity will remember Brad, and
we are thankful for the time we had with him.We extend our deepest condolences to his friends, family, and loved ones in this time of grief.
Rest in peace, Brad (Carnon).
Bloodshed in the Streets
Yo everyone. Look at this shit right here. Look at this shit right here. You’re probably wondering just what in the fuck is going on here. Now don’t panic, let me explain. I know what you’re thinking and it is understandable. This is definitely out of the ordinary and somewhat unexpected. So let me just clear the air and we can move on…
There comes a time in every man’s life when he has to put the past behind him and make a change. It might not always be what you had planned on but life has a funny way of doing that to ya. Well I’ve made a change. I’ve turned a page. And tonight you’re all getting a glimpse into that change…that page, that new chapter. That change I speak of is obviously…doing timely website updates.
Now hold up, don’t get all crazy and shit. Even though we beat the new expansion just yesterday and we have a website update ready for you today, I don’t want you thinking I’ve gotten soft over here. I’m a “stick to my roots not the suits” kind of guy, nam’sayin? It’s just…I don’t know how to explain it. It’s just…we’re still in the honeymoon phase of this lil soirée and lying to a new guild leader about doing timely website updates is really quite thrilling. Last night, I tested the waters a little and pushed it out just 1 day and he ate it right up. Next time, I think I can get 2 days and then 3 days and then 4 days and then 5 and then next thing you know 12 months has gone by without a website update and we’re all tangled in a web of carefully laid lies in an effort to keep The Slack™ intact. It’s better than I could have ever imagined. Realm of Insanity, where dreams really do come true.
There. Now we’re all on the same page so let’s get on with it. So a lot happened yesterday. If you blinked you might have missed it but the much heralded 20th expansion of EverQuest, Call of the Forsaken, was released. I was sitting at work and got an email in the afternoon proudly proclaiming…
And then just moments later…
Ok so it didn’t happen that fast. The real timeline was more like: I was at work and got a text that we were starting raids. I drove 30 minutes, got home, logged into the ground-breaking 20th expansion Call of the Forsaken and the first 2 events were already dead. I went AFK to feed my cat and the expansion was over. True story. No but seriously, I’m exaggerating a little bit. Let’s be fair. There are only 4 events in the expansion so far. Still, they could have been 4 difficult events. Instead, Call of the Forsaken has more casual encounters than Craigslist. This might be the first time in EverQuest history that it took longer to pre-order the expansion than it took to beat it. Still, we crushed it. More importantly, we crushed it before anyone else did making this the fifth consecutive game-wide #1 victory for Realm of Insanity. Fif.
So that’s it for now. We dominate, we celebrate and we masturbate while we patiently await the next installment of Call of the Forsaken. And as always, I promise we’ll have some website updates in the meantime. True story.
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