Yo everyone. Competitive EverQuest is starting to feel a lot like masturbating; we’re doing it all by ourselves. And as we all know masturbating gets old quick. So we are seeking sexy and worthy challengers to spice things up. As noted in our previous update, we are the 1st and 2nd guild to beat The Brothers Zek. So only six short days ago we threw out a challenge & a prediction:
“Simply zone into the Plane of War and speak with Jorgar the Pacifist to begin your quest at becoming the #3 guild in the entire universe.”
A gentleman’s challenge if ever there was one. Though I immediately followed it up with some straight Nostradamus shit and made this egomaniacal prediction:
“Check back soon to find out who gets the coveted #3 spot in a heated competition for Best Guilds in the Universe. I’ll give you a hint, it rhymes with Helm of Insanity.”
Some people called that prediction brave, some people called it brash but those fool suckas should know better than to bet against the aces and kings in Realm of Insanity. I was confident in my Nostradamical prediction; we’d beat The Brothers Zek for a 3rd time and become the undisputed 1st, 2nd and 3rd Best Guild in the Universe.
Everything was going fine until this happened:
*** Hotfix ***
The Brothers Zek – Lowered the damage done by the Zek Brothers…
The Brothers Zek – Lowered the HP and damage values of the adds…
The Brothers Zek – Increased bonus spell damage to adds…
The Brothers Zek – Priests now have a bigger bonus to melee damage…
The Brothers Zek – Adds that are weak to fire now take more damage…
Mere hours after our glorious 2nd victory, those vile heretics at SoE were plotting against us and about to make me look like a false prophet. They turned The Most Difficultiest Event in EverQuest into The Most Nerfiest Event in EverQuest. Worst of all, we had to wait days until we could get back in there and secure another win for our 3rd place victory. Surely the rest of the “hardcore raiding guilds” will use this window of opportunity to beat this now-easy-as-fuck event, grab the 3 spot and usurp our claim to the title of Best Guild in the Universe. THE HORROR OF IT ALL. The fuck were we going to do? We were gonna do what we always do of course; this:
As it turns out, nobody beat the event in it’s handicapable form and as soon as our lockouts were up, we zoned in and beat The Brothers Zek like we were Joe Jackson and they were Tito and Michael.
I would love to offer another challenge but as you can see by the picture above, the winner’s podium only has 3 places to stand and we’re like…standing on all of them. Awkwarrrrrrrd.
Yo everyone. I’ve put this off for a couple of days [editor's note: 9 days], and I don’t even want to be doing it now. Not because I don’t love writing website updates; it’s just hot as the devil’s dick in this room right now and I’m sweating balls. Balls. But tonight I’m not writing this update alone, I’m writing it with Uncle Carlo. Nothing is more motivating than a few of pints of red shit-wine and Uncle Carlo gonna tell you right now. Right now.
So we’ve thoroughly kicked the balls off of Call of the Forsaken, maintaining our reign of
terror happiness as the #1 undisputed EverQuest guild in the entire world; all challenges met and abruptly fisted. So we turned our attention to the Plane of War raid, The Brothers Zek. This is one of those super challenging raids made even more challenging because it was hastily released with little or no care given if anyone could actually beat it or not. An absolute shocker, I know. When SoE squats down and pinches out a raid like that, most guilds usually just go into a sort of holding pattern where they kind of learn the raid while they wait for the inevitable nerf or fix to happen and then run in, beat it and pretend like they’re balls are so big. Well guess what? That shit ain’t happening this time.
Uncle Carlo is here to tell you that your friends over here at Realm of Insanity became the first guild in the entire universe to beat that fucking raid, 47 days after it was released. By now, we’re all used to expansions and raids getting their shit pushed in mere hours after release so this raid taking 47 days to beat says something – that shit ain’t easy. It took everything we had but we worked on it over and over and over again and just kept chipping away until we got it. I’m sure that there are other guilds right around the corner, ready to become the second guild in the entire universe to beat this brutal raid and subsequently the #2 guild in the entire universe.
Hot of the presses, son: Realm of Insanity becomes the second guild in the entire universe to beat this brutal raid making them the undisputed #1 and #2 guild in all of EverQuest and/or universe. Shit’s getting wild. Don’t fret, there is a spot still open and accepting applications. Simply zone into the Plane of War and speak with Jorgar the Pacifist to begin your quest at becoming the #3 guild in the entire universe.
Check back soon to find out who gets the coveted #3 spot in a heated competition for Best Guilds in the Universe. I’ll give you a hint, it rhymes with Helm of Insanity.
Yo everyone. Even though we haven’t had a website update since ‘nam, this one will be short and sweet. Today, the much anticipated Part 2 or is it Part 3? Maybe it’s Part 1C…whatever it is: Call of the Forsaken, Part something, wait; Tier 2! Yes, Tier 2. Tier 2 of the legendary Call of the Forsaken expansion came out today and promptly got it’s shit pushed in. This content release allows us to adventure into the Tower of Rot, a zone seemingly named for the loot it produces. I want to congratulate all m’niggas for smashing and bashing Lord Kyle Bayle and his team of undead flunkies mere hours after expansion launch or whatever it is you call it these days; expansion trickle.
Putting him in an oblong box tonight gave Realm of Insanity it’s 7th straight game-wide #1 finish in EverQuest. The Big Red machine just can’t be stopped. The event itself was pretty fun and somewhat challenging which was a pretty nice surprise considering the last content release put up as much of a fight as a Tiananmen Square protester in ’89.